Well after 3 years of being on a blogging hiatus here I am. yep folks still alive and kicking. in 3 years I have graduated one child, the last one Is in highschool, changed jobs ( fuck mama rosas) and the juggalo... he and his socks are still here. Lots has gone on in the last 3 years some good some bad but we are still here kicking it. can't keep me down. more to come later......
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Here I go again. I don't have long to sit here, I have so much to get done. I kind of figure that it is going to be this way clear til Christmas so we will see how much I get written during that time. Next weekend I hope that the Juggalo and all our kids will day trip to KPI. We are all super nerdy about halloween. It is right up there with christmas. (if that offends you that you can quit reading my shit) It doesn't happen often that we all get to spend time together this time of the year. 4-5 weeks in the summer goes fast. And the twins just turned 9
The weekend after that is Homecoming. (sigh) Ya, I'm ever so excited to have a 15 year old girl participating. So far all we have left to plan is the shoes, i fully expect to survive but be fully irritated at that last detail still needs to be done. shopping with the girl is a whole other blog topic that i will save for a later date.... Then there is halloween. I still have to get all the decorations out. I didn't even get the fall ones out this year and the Boy and Girl did it last week. They are so sweet. Before ya know it... thanksgiving... then my birthday.... then the girl's birthday (the big 16 too) ... ah then christmas. Ya so pretty much i think that i have the rest of the year planned, and besides an orchestra concert, middle school dance, and working my ass off, that is about it. God i can't wait for January when I get my vacation back. When you find someone that you unconditionally love it is amazing. I am so appreciative of the love in my life. The love of my children, the juggalo, and rest of my family and close friends. It has taken a lot of times and lessons to learn what it is that makes us love so deep. with our children it comes naturally. with our friends, it comes with time and trust, just as in romantic relationships. It is when it hurts you in side to see the ones that you love not happy. I some times wish that i could wave my magic wand and make everything better. I don't expect perfection by any means, I believe that there is a very critical balance of all. So, I was feeling a song. I'm not a huge bryan adams fan, but to all those I love in my life....
peace One of these days I hope the word "Facebook" quits coming out of my mouth... I believe it has been over a month since i deactivated my account. There are a few things that i miss about it, but for the most part it has been very liberating. The juggalo even deactivated his. Every now and then he would keep me in the loop on a few things, but life is less stressful not knowing about everyone's problems. and the people you just want to punch because life is so damn perfect... POOF! they are gone too. Three more weeks and the first quarter of the school year will be up. The boy and girl are both still going strong. boy do they keep me busy. the older they get the more involved in things they become and it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to keep track of it all. Yearbook, boyscouts, presat's , homecoming, ect.... I just yawned thinking about it all. I still can't fathom what i would do with out them. Two weeks ago i was having a nervous breakdown for various reasons, but this week i have seemed to find my inner calm again. it feels good to go a whole day without crying for even the stupidest things. i feel bad for the juggalo and my kids when i act so. sometimes i just need a reboot. sometimes i could use a kick in the ass... which ever the situation, my little family is here for me no matter what and that is the best feeling in the world. Family isn't always blood... be careful who you say that around, you are liable to piss off any blood relative that you have. the bestie is more like a sister to me. we have shared so much over the years. the best is all the laughs. even things that were terrible at first we have been able to make jokes about going forward. there is a great sense of security with my family. and it is extended in a way but also very personal. it is a small circle but goes very deep. a foundation built on all the real stuff in the world. no fake actions or words. understanding without enabling or criticism. if we would learn at a much younger age how to build these relationships our society would be a much better place. but.... it isn't and here we are so.... i guess i am just grateful for learning before it was too late and hope that the boy and girl get it someday too. enough randomness... still not missing facebook.... Food for thought, check out the you tube good day. I Haven't been much in a writing mood lately. There has been little things here and there lately that I thought was cute and considered doing a little blogging on but never made it to. This time of year is really crazy for me. and, most others too. School started this past month. The boy hasn't missed a day and is managing straight a's. the girl has always enjoyed school, she is back to her social gatherings, football games, yearbook, and anything else she can throw herself at. fall is almost here. I noticed the other day, while i sat on my front porch, that the leaves are already starting to change on the trees. i love fall. the smell, the decorations, pumpkin candles, any thing fall i truly <3 . I have always enjoyed this time of the year and still do. but 2 years ago fall brought a new thought to my family. my kids dad committed suicide in prison on October 2, 2012. What a horrible time for my family. i remember thinking that the world was going to just end. I didn't know how my kids would ever be normal after that. i worried constantly about them. Here is the totally amazing thing that I learned, out of the most mind blowing situation, that I thought would tear through us so hard and scar us forever, we have grown. my marriage to a different man fell apart, we moved to a new house, and now it is just us. Life isn't easy, but it is amazing. we have met amazing people, and become amazing people. My daughter was the rock in the whole situation. she seemed to bury the pain far far away and just kept marching on. Sure she has had her moments but man, she kept it together most times back then when I couldn't keep it together. she has an amazing boyfriend too. at the time they were just really good friends. as a matter of fact, his sister committed suicide 5 months before her dad. I think they are so good for each other. my boy was the one who took the longest to come around. I have struggled with him for the past two years and finally, i think he has got it going on. I'm so excited. school started three weeks ago. he hasn't missed a day. the last two years he would have missed at least one if not two days by now. he showed me his grades the other day on his computer and he is getting straight a's. for the last two years i have fought with his d and f grades, missing and incomplete homework. he had a total lack of effort. i am so proud of him. it is funny how life seemed so much different two years ago to now. other than i was 40 pounds lighter, i am so much happier now. I have renewed faith (in what i don't know, other than good shit does still happen). and, the best part is, now i realize how lucky i am to have, be, and love with those that are the closest to me. and someday if i have nothing more than that, i will feel so lucky. PEACE The lotus flower grows in muddy water and rises above the surface to bloom with remarkable beauty. At night the flower closes and sinks underwater, at dawn it rises and opens again. Untouched by the impurity, lotus symbolizes the purity of heart and mind. The lotus flower represents long life, health, honor and good luck
I was hanging with the juggalo today after work. I was in a crappy mood. He always steps to the plate to cheer me up. The other day we were discussing what it would be like to live with each other. I think he would get tired of me yelling at the kids and he thinks i will be bothered by him being on the computer. I actually find him to be very entertaining whilst internet surfing. and, it is like having someone looking stuff up while i do other things, and when he finds something good i hear "come check this shit out." I smile, i love to hear those words. anywhoo, today was my poo poo day and here comes the juggalo to the rescue. he shows me a video from the Gathering of the juggalos. evidently someone at the gathering had stolen stuff and these people were destroying their car. now, let me tell you, i will never have the chance to do what these people did to this car but man if that car was my job.... whoop whoop!! there were like 5 fifteen to twenty minute clips of jumping, smashing, axing, flipping, and driving over this car. i was thinking to myself, that car is my job... then the most amazing thing happened, this dude straight up took a crap on the car. yes i imagined would be the most liberating action in the world. oh the irony. now I'm totally chilled and past the days events. that and the song that i posted, learn to over come like the lotus... gonna listen to it one more time before i hit the sack... peace! Today when the juggalo came to my house after work he decided to replace a part in his car that was bad. he is very handy like that. after he got done he decided to crash at my house. He didn't have extra clothes to change into after he showered so i sprinted down to the store and got him some boxers, pajama pants, and socks. I haven't mentioned the bear claws... the juggalo is kinda shy about his feet. I was sure that he would appreciate the socks more than the drawers and the pajama pants. Needless to say that he was pretty darn shocked to see that I had gotten him these few staples. and i was right about the socks. he put them on and was overjoyed. he kept saying how good they felt hugging his feet. he kept mentioning it over and over.. how they felt like church socks, how they were too good to wear to work, how good they made him feel. Isn't it funny how we find comfort for our feet and it provides comfort the rest of our bodies? it truly is the little things. the juggalo and i have found bliss in simplicity. and i wish the same for all of you....
My mother called me today " I haven't heard from you in awhile" she says. I replied I had been busy, gave her the whole cat in the cradle scenario. She didn't seem to buy it. she kept saying how unhappy i seemed when i was on vacation at their house earlier this summer, How i need to bring the juggalo with me next year. on the up side, my brother will be in eastern Indiana this weekend doing some dog hunting. myself and the kids will head that way on saturday. I should take the juggalo, he hasn't met any of my family, and i seem unhappy whenever i am away from him. (scoffing)
I wanted to make sure that someone someday would read my blog so I started a twitter account for such. Here is to my new journey as a tweeter. I am already in love with Bill Maher, thank you twitter, for being my pacifier for now.
So I decided not to go in to my place of employment today. It is a horrible place that no one should have to find themselves in on a regular basis. I have recently deactivated my facebook and find a horrible need to type my life in some manner in to some sort of social media. I am about two days out on my facebook hiatus, and am feeling liberated. Did I mention I am a 3rd shifter? That makes life pretty boring at lunchtime without plugging away at a social networking site. I have decided to replace my addiction with a new method to my madness and that is solitaire. It drives the Juggalo crazy I think. Since he is addicted to video games he feels no need to tease me about it. At least, that is what I think. The Juggalo (aka significant other) is a big balance to my life. about 88 percent of the time we know what each other is thinking. It is a pretty cool superpower, and since the Juggalo and I are closet nerds any superpower is worth bragging rights. I have two children that also have super powers and are addicted to social media (not facebook though, it's just not cool anymore). We three manage the house, school, and work(me). My girl is 15, soon to be 16. The boy, he is 12 soon to be 13. Yes I am so excited to have a new driver and two teenagers officially in the house this year. So much is going to be happening I can't control my excitement. I could go on and on about the kids, but I'm sure as time progresses, you will find how I adore them. I also have an addiction to turtles. So many more random things to discuss... so much time for a random thought, warm memory, or horrific rant. <3 <3
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Erin Beeghly
Iowa farm kid that moved to a mechanical middle class town in Ohio. My journey is epic... Join me... ArchivesCategories
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